Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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