So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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