i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
