New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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