Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
