how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if only i could text you this smell
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
