i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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