I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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