it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
