dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
