goodnight i made you a song goodbye
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
