i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
