There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
