So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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