around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
