Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
