I'm so fucking centered right now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
