I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
