i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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