oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
