I've blown a few things in my day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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