Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
