She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
