just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
