I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
