I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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