last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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