Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
