This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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