I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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