a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
