A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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