im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
