my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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