My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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