She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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