i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
