I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
