We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
