Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
