haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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