Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is her dick bigger than yours?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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