I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize