I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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