I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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