he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
