I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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