I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
