these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
