i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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