Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
