I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
