The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
