Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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