so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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