I just cut my nipple shaving
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
