On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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