Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
