So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
nutella sex= disaster
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
