There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
