Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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