Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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